If you have ever learned the trick of “Fanning the Flame”, it’s one that if not always, but usually it achieves it’s goal. I still get on my knees and blow into the fire, hoping to incite more action into a weak attempt at a fire to take the chill off our cold house. Well I’m here to put some heat on a different kind of chill!

It’s the hurt and pain we keep in our soul that chills our spirit toward ones that have hurt us. Holding onto the pain of a relationship that failed caused by any number of things like deception, an unkind word, maybe just being ignored by someone you felt close to was all it took. Open the door and allow forgiveness to, Come on In!

This is where it’s probably going to take some “Fanning of the Flame”, since it’s very likely the fire of anger has already been stoked up good, but in the wrong direction.  We’re all pretty good at getting that kind of fire going. None of this is easy either and without careful attention a forgiveness fire easily goes out!


Forgiveness is typically defined as the process of concluding resentmentindignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution.[1][2] The Oxford English Dictionary defines forgiveness as ‘to grant free pardon and to give up all claim on account of an offense or debt’.


I have plenty of experience with this, some from being an employer and most from being a knucklehead for a long time. And as an employer under pressure with time schedules and quality expectations, it’s easy to lose patience and terminate a work relationship, rather hastily, I might add. Some of the terminated don’t take it quite as well as others, which can cause a bit of looking over the shoulder and some terrible nights for sleeping.

Since we’re all connected in this life, one has to consider very carefully, when ending a work relationship, know you are most likely ending a friendship at the same time. It came to the point for me that I got to thinking of my relationships from work were more crash and burn scenarios. From the rear-view mirror of life, all I could see was the carnage on the side of the road. While I might have felt justified at the time, now I see so many missed opportunities at actually building friendships, rather than tearing them apart.

Since we all feel like we have spent way too much of our lives on the job, the workplace is a common and fertile place to start fanning the flame of forgiveness. It will go against everything we hold dear to our selfish pride, to reconsider our hardline stance toward someone who mistreated us or failed us in some way. Even ramp it up a notch more and apply it to a close relationship that has soured.

While there are times to stop the pain, more times it will be looked upon as an unfortunate ending to a one-time close friendship. Those are the kind that should not slip by. A popular group from the 80’s, The Human League, spelled it out quite well for us, “I’m only Human, Born to make Mistakes”,. Boy, am I!

While I encourage you, I’m encouraging myself to not only look back, but also look at the present and hold onto friendships. Forgive often, be willing to forget the painful time and…..Move On!